It seems like I'm sharing a lot of poetry right now, but sometimes poetry just has a way of speaking to the depths of one's soul, of gripping one's heart with truth. Tonight I share a poem from Stanislaw Baranczak.
"If china, then only the kind
you wouldn't miss under the mover's shoes
or the treads of a tank;
if a chair, then one that's not too comfortable, or
you'll regret getting up and leaving;
if clothes, then only what will fit in one suitcase;
if books, then those you know by heart;
if plans, then the ones you can give up
when it comes time for the next move
to another street, another continent or epoch
or world,
Who told you to settle in?
Who told you this or that would last forever?
Didn't anyone ever tell you that you'll never
in the world
feel at home here?"
Life is temporary and fragile. Sometimes we forget that our lives our a vapor that could pass away in an instant. I'm not promised the next year, day, or even the next breath. I don't usually stop to ponder the fact that this could be my last night on this earth. But on another level, as a Christian, the question haunts: "Who told you to settle in? Who told you this or that would last forever?"
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Prayer from a little seed
I read this tonight and saw myself. And so I pray these words heartfelt, knowing that God is calling me out of my little controlled "pot" to grow and bear fruit somewhere past my little horizons, to the place where He is leading me.
A grain of seed, Lord.
Tiny. Inert.
The tight-turned, curled embryo
held hard within.
Straightjacketed by winter waiting.
Yet in your purposes
destined for life and growth.
Ready to reach for light,
expand, spread branches.
Leaf, bud, and fruit.
Tiny. Inert.
The tight-turned, curled embryo
held hard within.
Straightjacketed by winter waiting.
Yet in your purposes
destined for life and growth.
Ready to reach for light,
expand, spread branches.
Leaf, bud, and fruit.
The kingdom of heaven,
like a grain of seed.
The kingdom of heaven, in me.
Its seed tight-packed.
Restricted in the shell of my inertia.
The warmth of your Spirit
prompts it to life.
But when it stirs,
sets root, and starts to grow,
I hold it back.
I feel its movement apprehensively.
I can’t see your purposes.
My horizon is too small and limited
because I keep my head too low,
look down too much.
I prune and chop
and starve your kingdom’s tree,
hoping to hold it,
controlled and tidy,
in a little pot of my own choosing.
like a grain of seed.
The kingdom of heaven, in me.
Its seed tight-packed.
Restricted in the shell of my inertia.
The warmth of your Spirit
prompts it to life.
But when it stirs,
sets root, and starts to grow,
I hold it back.
I feel its movement apprehensively.
I can’t see your purposes.
My horizon is too small and limited
because I keep my head too low,
look down too much.
I prune and chop
and starve your kingdom’s tree,
hoping to hold it,
controlled and tidy,
in a little pot of my own choosing.
But still it grows.
Pushing its gentle way irresistibly
between the hard stones of my life.
Pushing its gentle way irresistibly
between the hard stones of my life.
Lord, help me to sweep away
the sand of fear
blown, hard and persistently,
heaping unbelief in drifts across my life.
Help me to feel
in the prompting of new growth,
the excitement, the hope and tension,
of your Spirit’s purposes.
And when I don’t understand
just where it's leading to,
help me to welcome it.
the sand of fear
blown, hard and persistently,
heaping unbelief in drifts across my life.
Help me to feel
in the prompting of new growth,
the excitement, the hope and tension,
of your Spirit’s purposes.
And when I don’t understand
just where it's leading to,
help me to welcome it.
Eddie Askew (Facing the Storm)
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Bolivia Trip, Part Cuatro
I'm not sure how this has morphed into four parts... but I figured I needed to do one more post, for those of you who've been asking about some of what I did/experienced while I was there.
The Saturday of my arrival, I got to hit the ground running and attend a birthday party that afternoon. In my different travels to Latin America, this was my first experience of a birthday celebration Latin American style. There was the familiar - cake, games, and a piñata - and the new - the birthday girl had a beautiful new dress on that the lady they'd asked to be the madrina bought for her. Madrina being like a godmother/patroness type person. During the game time, I actually got to spend some time chatting with a girl named Wendy and I believe it was her boyfriend. They didn't really know people at the party, but her mom was somehow friends with someone (I can't remember if it was the birthday girl's mother, or what), and since her mom couldn't come, she asked Wendy to come in her place. They were college students, so closer in age to me. Our conversation was in Spanglish - part English and part Spanish. But that was nice too, as they helped me with my Spanish and learning some new words. I wish I'd had more opportunity to talk with them though; we had some interesting conversation about why I was in Bolivia, what I'd studied in college, and explaining about sharing my Jesus with others.
One of my biggest desires growing up was to learn three instruments and be able to speak three languages. My Sundays in Sucre, I got to see three languages in action: English, Spanish, and sign. And I also realized how much I still have to go before mastering language number two (let alone getting a third language down). I taught Sunday School both Sundays, and I was excited that first week to teach in Spanish. But sitting there, trying to teach and simultaneously recall both words and correct grammar, revealed a lack. I'm glad God can work through us, even when we are struggling for the words we need! I also felt the barrier keenly because I only know a couple signs, and before/after the service, I'd be standing there with people, basically only able to smile and give a thumbs up to them, until I had someone right there who could interpret/sign for me.
Friday was a day trip to Icla - a couple hours through the mountains and curvy roads to a small village down in the valley. I was excited to get to meet another missionary family, see their pueblo and just have time to talk with them. I also got to see where my friend Jillian is going to live when she gets to Bolivia next year!
So there you have it... at least a little bit more about my trip. Thank you for those of you who prayed for me and for those of you who still continue to do so! A lot has been happening in the last few weeks since I returned, namely with regards to emailing mission boards and trying to process things as the reality of what I'm pursuing starts to sink in. I'll probably save that for another post for another day, when I have a little more information to share.
The Saturday of my arrival, I got to hit the ground running and attend a birthday party that afternoon. In my different travels to Latin America, this was my first experience of a birthday celebration Latin American style. There was the familiar - cake, games, and a piñata - and the new - the birthday girl had a beautiful new dress on that the lady they'd asked to be the madrina bought for her. Madrina being like a godmother/patroness type person. During the game time, I actually got to spend some time chatting with a girl named Wendy and I believe it was her boyfriend. They didn't really know people at the party, but her mom was somehow friends with someone (I can't remember if it was the birthday girl's mother, or what), and since her mom couldn't come, she asked Wendy to come in her place. They were college students, so closer in age to me. Our conversation was in Spanglish - part English and part Spanish. But that was nice too, as they helped me with my Spanish and learning some new words. I wish I'd had more opportunity to talk with them though; we had some interesting conversation about why I was in Bolivia, what I'd studied in college, and explaining about sharing my Jesus with others.
One of my biggest desires growing up was to learn three instruments and be able to speak three languages. My Sundays in Sucre, I got to see three languages in action: English, Spanish, and sign. And I also realized how much I still have to go before mastering language number two (let alone getting a third language down). I taught Sunday School both Sundays, and I was excited that first week to teach in Spanish. But sitting there, trying to teach and simultaneously recall both words and correct grammar, revealed a lack. I'm glad God can work through us, even when we are struggling for the words we need! I also felt the barrier keenly because I only know a couple signs, and before/after the service, I'd be standing there with people, basically only able to smile and give a thumbs up to them, until I had someone right there who could interpret/sign for me.
Friday was a day trip to Icla - a couple hours through the mountains and curvy roads to a small village down in the valley. I was excited to get to meet another missionary family, see their pueblo and just have time to talk with them. I also got to see where my friend Jillian is going to live when she gets to Bolivia next year!
So there you have it... at least a little bit more about my trip. Thank you for those of you who prayed for me and for those of you who still continue to do so! A lot has been happening in the last few weeks since I returned, namely with regards to emailing mission boards and trying to process things as the reality of what I'm pursuing starts to sink in. I'll probably save that for another post for another day, when I have a little more information to share.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Bolivia Trip, Part Tres
I arrived in Sucre on Saturday afternoon, after one last short flight from Santa Cruz, where I had spent the night. Finally I got to meet the family face to face for whom I had prayed for back in college (they were our dorm missionaries one of my years at BJU! Another small world experience...) and been emailing the last few months.
I know God is always working all things together for our good, but sometimes getting to see that is just plain awesome. And that's how I feel about this trip. Ever since starting a job and knowing I'd be getting vacation time this year, I'd been thinking about how I was going to spend it. I'd tossed around several ideas - going to some Spanish-speaking country and working on my Spanish for a week (definitely not long enough to reach fluency, I know, but I wanted the immersion since that's impossible in my hometown), to visiting different people here in the States, to going to see some missionaries. Since travel to somewhere Spanish-speaking was at the top of my list, and I'm pursuing "full time mission-work," my mom suggested finding another ministry would probably be the best idea in helping me narrow down where God seems to be leading me. Deciding I wanted to visit another place than Honduras, I started looking at different ministries in different countries... but nothing really jumped out at me. Then my parents got to talking, and Bolivia came up - our church just started supporting the Maries a year or two ago (I'm not exactly sure when, as it was while I was in college). Now that I've made a long story even longer, I will tell you that I finally emailed them to see if going was even a possibility. And for some reason, they said yes! But I know why now, and that's where I get off the rabbit trail/background story and get back to how God really was in this trip.
My time in Bolivia was more than anything I could have imagined. Besides all the different things we got to "do" - from seeing the city, to times of ministry such as going to the deaf school and the boys' home - I also got to take in a lot of insight/information/advice/encouragement. And that is really where I feel that God was working way beyond what I could ask or think. It was the moments sitting at the kitchen table talking, or listening while standing there helping to wash dishes, that were so helpful. And Luke and Jessica graciously put up with any and all the questions I had or thought of about mission boards, deputation, and mission work, as well as telling me about their experiences and things to consider as I try to figure out how God is working in my life. I thank God for them, for the time with their family, and for all the words of wisdom that came my way.
Another area I saw God's working was through His Word. God promises that His Word will never return void, and there were multiple times during the week that something talked about during time spent reading/going over a Bible passage together directly applied to something later in the day, whether it was something I was thinking about, or something that happened. And to me, that is just plain exciting. One of the thoughts that arose from one day is that it's worth it to sacrifice all for God and service to Him, and it's actually something I'm still chewing on. Because as I consider where God has for me, there's going to be areas where I might need to be willing to give on a few things, and I don't know that it will always be easy. But giving up something small in this life - though in reality it may seem huge to me - is worth it for the sake of others coming to know my precious Lord.
I know God is always working all things together for our good, but sometimes getting to see that is just plain awesome. And that's how I feel about this trip. Ever since starting a job and knowing I'd be getting vacation time this year, I'd been thinking about how I was going to spend it. I'd tossed around several ideas - going to some Spanish-speaking country and working on my Spanish for a week (definitely not long enough to reach fluency, I know, but I wanted the immersion since that's impossible in my hometown), to visiting different people here in the States, to going to see some missionaries. Since travel to somewhere Spanish-speaking was at the top of my list, and I'm pursuing "full time mission-work," my mom suggested finding another ministry would probably be the best idea in helping me narrow down where God seems to be leading me. Deciding I wanted to visit another place than Honduras, I started looking at different ministries in different countries... but nothing really jumped out at me. Then my parents got to talking, and Bolivia came up - our church just started supporting the Maries a year or two ago (I'm not exactly sure when, as it was while I was in college). Now that I've made a long story even longer, I will tell you that I finally emailed them to see if going was even a possibility. And for some reason, they said yes! But I know why now, and that's where I get off the rabbit trail/background story and get back to how God really was in this trip.
My time in Bolivia was more than anything I could have imagined. Besides all the different things we got to "do" - from seeing the city, to times of ministry such as going to the deaf school and the boys' home - I also got to take in a lot of insight/information/advice/encouragement. And that is really where I feel that God was working way beyond what I could ask or think. It was the moments sitting at the kitchen table talking, or listening while standing there helping to wash dishes, that were so helpful. And Luke and Jessica graciously put up with any and all the questions I had or thought of about mission boards, deputation, and mission work, as well as telling me about their experiences and things to consider as I try to figure out how God is working in my life. I thank God for them, for the time with their family, and for all the words of wisdom that came my way.
Another area I saw God's working was through His Word. God promises that His Word will never return void, and there were multiple times during the week that something talked about during time spent reading/going over a Bible passage together directly applied to something later in the day, whether it was something I was thinking about, or something that happened. And to me, that is just plain exciting. One of the thoughts that arose from one day is that it's worth it to sacrifice all for God and service to Him, and it's actually something I'm still chewing on. Because as I consider where God has for me, there's going to be areas where I might need to be willing to give on a few things, and I don't know that it will always be easy. But giving up something small in this life - though in reality it may seem huge to me - is worth it for the sake of others coming to know my precious Lord.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Bolivia Trip, Part Dos
What was it like? Well, first, it was winter. After the snow-filled, never-ending PA winter I experienced this year, the mild winter climate of Sucre was a pleasant surprise! Most days it was 60-70; however, it did cool down in the night, hitting 30 degrees a few times.
Second, I was at an elevation over 9,000 feet, which means I had over 8,500-ish feet of adjusting to do to compensate for the lack of oxygen in the air. The nice thing about this altitude though was less bugs to put up with. ;) In all seriousness, though, the elevation also contributed to the lack of greenery where I spent most of my time. As we drove to Santa Cruz towards the end of my trip, I got to see the difference as we drove lower and lower (Santa Cruz is somewhere around 1,000 feet, if I remember correctly). I felt like I was out West in Sucre, with the dryness, dirt everywhere (as opposed to grassy landscapes), and the minimal shrubbery. The word barren comes to mind, outside of the city, but at the same time, it's not. There's a rugged beauty to the land, and it becomes even more beautiful when you think about the rocky multi-hued mountains rising up in all their glory to point to their Creator. So many times I found myself looking out at the view and wanting to burst out singing "How Great Thou Art." Psalm 104:24 reminds us, "the earth is full of thy riches." My God created the world to have to so much diversity in climate and geography, and that is just awe-inspiring!
Second, I was at an elevation over 9,000 feet, which means I had over 8,500-ish feet of adjusting to do to compensate for the lack of oxygen in the air. The nice thing about this altitude though was less bugs to put up with. ;) In all seriousness, though, the elevation also contributed to the lack of greenery where I spent most of my time. As we drove to Santa Cruz towards the end of my trip, I got to see the difference as we drove lower and lower (Santa Cruz is somewhere around 1,000 feet, if I remember correctly). I felt like I was out West in Sucre, with the dryness, dirt everywhere (as opposed to grassy landscapes), and the minimal shrubbery. The word barren comes to mind, outside of the city, but at the same time, it's not. There's a rugged beauty to the land, and it becomes even more beautiful when you think about the rocky multi-hued mountains rising up in all their glory to point to their Creator. So many times I found myself looking out at the view and wanting to burst out singing "How Great Thou Art." Psalm 104:24 reminds us, "the earth is full of thy riches." My God created the world to have to so much diversity in climate and geography, and that is just awe-inspiring!
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Bolivia Trip, Part Uno
My adventure started off early in the morning, 3:30 to be
exact, when I got up so we could drive to the airport for my first flight. Walking
up to the guy at the check-in desk (who seriously reminded me of my advisor in
college), I was surprised when he told me that there is normally a baggage fee,
but because I was going through Mexico, the fee had been waived. But that
wasn’t all. After informing him my one bag was overweight, he typed on his
computer and prepared the tag. He said the cost is normally $100, but for some
reason it was only charging me $89. I told him I’d take that! A second later,
he stops, looks at me, and says his computer is for some reason rejecting the
charge – I wouldn’t have to pay anything for my bag going over! The man told
me, “You must be on some secret agent mission or something.” What do you say to
that?!? I’m not sure how that happened, other than that I serve a God who can
and does do the impossible… and maybe that was just a small display of His
working - an all-powerful God who chooses to involve Himself in even the small
details of my life!
Aside from a bit of stress at Cancún having to go through
customs and then security all over again (and having to take a taxi to get to another terminal, almost having to "repay" for my luggage because someone took my tags off, and being told to hurry or I’d miss my next flight), the rest of my trip went well. I
arrived in Santa Cruz sometime after 10 that night and got the chance to meet a
wonderful missionary couple and their daughter Hannah. They graciously picked
me up at the airport and hosted me in their home for the night, as I still had
one more flight the next morning. I wish I could have had more time with them,
but at least I got a couple hours to chat, hear their “story,” and get some
encouragement about my future.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Paid in full
A quick update to tell the world (well, at least you, my reader!) that I am now debt-free! I made my final student loan payment Friday afternoon, and it finished processing today. I now see $0.00 under the outstanding balance - each loan (1 for each year of college) has been paid in full. Such a wonderful sight! I'm just a little excited about this fact... and also the fact that I paid it off in one year! God is good!
Saturday, May 24, 2014
A Little Quote to Ponder
Just had to share this quote... Came across it in a book I just bought by Carolyn Curtis James. Here's the quote: "the New Testament anchors a woman's identity and purpose to her relationship with Jesus rather than to her parentage, her marital status, or her children."
Ponder that one for a little while - my identity is tied and rooted in me & Christ. Not my relationship status or social status.
Ponder that one for a little while - my identity is tied and rooted in me & Christ. Not my relationship status or social status.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
What the Numbers Say
Yesterday we had primary elections here in Pennsylvania. That was my chance as an American citizen to have my say in the affairs of my country, and I proudly walked over to my polling place to cast my vote. We have been given a freedom that not everyone else in this world enjoys - the chance to vote for whomever we believe would be the best candidate. (And yes, I do understand that more and more the US judges and certain government officials are making rulings and legislations that don't reflect what the voting majority has declared to be their beliefs. Problems come when any one person is allowed too much authority.)
I am just one person. My one vote may not rock the boat, figuratively speaking. But it had an impact. And in one of our local races, every vote counted, with the current number being only 300 votes difference between the two candidates. (Disclaimer: Though I do feel strongly about that race and my choice of candidate, this post will not be about my political stance in this election, or political affiliations. I bring this local race up only to make the point that every vote matters.)
After the elections, I was on the internet looking up election results as well as news articles, and found out some very disheartening facts. In my county, only 27.7% of registered voters cast their vote yesterday (this number includes all Republicans, Democrats, and nonpartisan voters). That is apparently a good number; one county adjacent to mine only reported 23% taking a few moments to vote. The numbers tell me that basically only one fourth of all voters determined the outcome of the elections, and those percentages would be lower if you figured in the number of citizens who have not registered to vote. That is pathetic! I realize there are no perfect candidates out there, and it can be discouraging to vote when all you see are candidates and politicians who care more about themselves and their winning office than what's the best for you as their constituent or what's best for our country. But it makes me wonder how many election results would be different, how many current/past elected officials may not have made office, if it was the majority of people who went out and voted, rather than only 25 per cent. Who knows where our country could be, if everyone did their part?
I am just one person. My one vote may not rock the boat, figuratively speaking. But it had an impact. And in one of our local races, every vote counted, with the current number being only 300 votes difference between the two candidates. (Disclaimer: Though I do feel strongly about that race and my choice of candidate, this post will not be about my political stance in this election, or political affiliations. I bring this local race up only to make the point that every vote matters.)
After the elections, I was on the internet looking up election results as well as news articles, and found out some very disheartening facts. In my county, only 27.7% of registered voters cast their vote yesterday (this number includes all Republicans, Democrats, and nonpartisan voters). That is apparently a good number; one county adjacent to mine only reported 23% taking a few moments to vote. The numbers tell me that basically only one fourth of all voters determined the outcome of the elections, and those percentages would be lower if you figured in the number of citizens who have not registered to vote. That is pathetic! I realize there are no perfect candidates out there, and it can be discouraging to vote when all you see are candidates and politicians who care more about themselves and their winning office than what's the best for you as their constituent or what's best for our country. But it makes me wonder how many election results would be different, how many current/past elected officials may not have made office, if it was the majority of people who went out and voted, rather than only 25 per cent. Who knows where our country could be, if everyone did their part?
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Spring is in the air!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Hope, Part 2
and centuries of sorrow.
There is a yearning in hearts that in the darkness hide
and in the shades of death abide, a yearning for tomorrow.
There is a yearning, a yearning for the promised One,
the First-born of creation.
There is a yearning for the Lord who visited His own,
and by His death for sin atoned, to bring to us salvation.
Emmanuel, Emmanuel, within our hearts the yearning.
Emmanuel, Emmanuel, within our hearts the yearning.
There is a yearning that fills the hearts of those who wait the day of His appearing.
There is a yearning when all our sorrows are erased
and we shall see the One who placed within our hearts the yearning.
Emmanuel, Emmanuel, within our hearts the yearning.
Emmanuel, Emmanuel, within our hearts the yearning.
Do you have a yearning for the One who heals our broken hearts and lives? I talked about hope in my last post, and this song just seems to go perfectly hand in hand. Emmanuel. God with us. Talk about the most glorious hope. God came to earth, died, and - best of all - rose again! Death, the thing most opposite of hope, was beaten. Oh, death still claims our loved and not-so-loved ones here on earth, but it doesn't have to be the end anymore! And no other "religion" can claim that - to have a God who came back to life from the dead. I yearn for tomorrow, for the day when Christ's final appearing happens. I yearn for the One who has given me a new life and has given me hope. And so my heart resonates with this song.
(This song was written by Susan Bentall Boersma. I strongly recommend you visit the website below and listen to the song. It's beautiful. )
http://www.jwpepper.com/10276203.item#.UunD53kYRLo
Monday, January 27, 2014
Hope
I guess this post is coming from some things I've been thinking about recently... so bear with me if it's not following an outline, doesn't have a funnel-shaped introduction paragraph, and doesn't end with a restatement of the main point. (Forgive the harking back to English 102!)
In my field of work, I have the chance to work with people. It's one of the best jobs a person can have - to spend their time trying to help people. Granted, I'm sure most jobs can be somehow linked back to helping people. A fast food restaurant helps people get a full stomach (and probably a lot more than that, but I will let others expand on that one). A janitor helps people keep in a sanitary environment. But my job is to help people better their lives, and it's somehow a perfect fit for me.
Yet in the task of helping people and working with others, I'm finding that hope is too often missing. And it saddens me. I go in with the hope of making a difference, and then I hear someone say the person is just going to go right back and do the same thing again. And they might. I mean, that's human nature. Think about it. Haven't you ever come to the point that there was something you said you wouldn't do, or you were going to limit something... and then you turn around and find yourself doing what you just decided not to do? Come on. Admit it to yourself. You have done it. I have too.
This is where things could get depressing. I mean, if we've just admitted human nature is to do over and over what we don't want to do - or shouldn't do - why not give up. And I'll have to admit, I don't have all the answers to this problem.... but I do know one thing. And it's the most important thing. Hope can only come one way, and that's through Jesus. That might sound cliché. But it's the only true answer to getting out of the cycle of relapsing into old habits.
He's my hope. My hope for myself, my hope for the people I'm trying to help, for you.
I wish I had more time to write more of my thoughts on this... I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg. Maybe there will come a part 2 after I've had some more time to muse on this subject. Feel free to add some comments below and throw in your two cents worth...
In my field of work, I have the chance to work with people. It's one of the best jobs a person can have - to spend their time trying to help people. Granted, I'm sure most jobs can be somehow linked back to helping people. A fast food restaurant helps people get a full stomach (and probably a lot more than that, but I will let others expand on that one). A janitor helps people keep in a sanitary environment. But my job is to help people better their lives, and it's somehow a perfect fit for me.
Yet in the task of helping people and working with others, I'm finding that hope is too often missing. And it saddens me. I go in with the hope of making a difference, and then I hear someone say the person is just going to go right back and do the same thing again. And they might. I mean, that's human nature. Think about it. Haven't you ever come to the point that there was something you said you wouldn't do, or you were going to limit something... and then you turn around and find yourself doing what you just decided not to do? Come on. Admit it to yourself. You have done it. I have too.
This is where things could get depressing. I mean, if we've just admitted human nature is to do over and over what we don't want to do - or shouldn't do - why not give up. And I'll have to admit, I don't have all the answers to this problem.... but I do know one thing. And it's the most important thing. Hope can only come one way, and that's through Jesus. That might sound cliché. But it's the only true answer to getting out of the cycle of relapsing into old habits.
He's my hope. My hope for myself, my hope for the people I'm trying to help, for you.
I wish I had more time to write more of my thoughts on this... I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg. Maybe there will come a part 2 after I've had some more time to muse on this subject. Feel free to add some comments below and throw in your two cents worth...
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